Talking to your child about alcohol and drugs

Have regular and open conversations about alcohol and drugs with your child. This will help them make informed decisions as they get older.

This information is for talking to someone under age 18 who does not have a problem with alcohol or drugs.

If your child uses alcohol or drugs

How to talk to an adult about their problem drinking or drug use

Find ways to start the conversation

You do not need to sit down and have a specific talk with your child about alcohol and drugs. Use opportunities as they come up.

For example, if you see someone drinking alcohol or using drugs on a TV show, ask your child what they think.

Give information for their age

You can give more detailed information as your child gets older. Do not try to scare them. They may not listen if they think you are exaggerating the risks.

Under age 4

You do not need to talk to very young children about alcohol. But if your child asks a question, answer it in a simple way.

Very young children learn things by watching their parents and other adults. You can show them how you want them to behave by limiting alcohol use around them.

Age 4 to 7

Give simple information about the effects of alcohol or drugs. For example, it makes it harder to make decisions and do things well.

Explain that alcohol is even more harmful for children because they are still growing.

Age 8 to 11

Give more detailed information about the effects of alcohol and drugs.

You can talk about:

short-term effects of alcohol and drugs - such as confusion and problems controlling your body
how it's OK to say no to your friends when you do not want to do something
how they can talk to you if they are worried or unsure
what happens after you drink or use drugs - such as hangovers and feeling down
long-term effects - such as problems with school, or damage to your liver or heart

Age 12 to 17

Young people at this age can be under a lot of pressure. Listen to them and let them know you are on their side.

Make it clear that you do not want them to use drugs or to drink alcohol while they are under 18 and explain why.

Give specific information on the risks of alcohol and drugs and how to stay safe.

Preventing problem alcohol and drug use in young people

Reasons not to drink or use drugs

Talk about the effects of alcohol and drugs. But help them find their own reasons not to use substances.

For example, how alcohol and drugs can affect:

decision-making and control - they may do something they'll regret
school work or sports performance
their brain and mental health
their image and what other people think of them

How much they drink

It's safer not to drink or use drugs at all but make sure they understand:

what is a standard drink - for example, half a pint of beer
different drinks and substances have different strengths, effects and risks
people can react differently to the same substance
the amount of alcohol can vary in mixed drinks and drinks other people give them
small amounts of alcohol or drugs can have a strong effect
the same amount of alcohol or drugs can affect people in different ways
the same amount of alcohol or drugs can affect the same person in a different way at different times

Alcohol and sex

Alcohol and drugs affect the ability to make decisions.

Explain that someone who is drunk or high:

may take more risks - such as having unprotected sex
cannot give consent to have sex

What to say when they disagree

Listen to your child's opinion. But do not change your rules if you do not want to.

Prepare what you can say if they disagree, for example:

Everyone else is going

I know you feel left out. But it’s my job to keep you safe. I’m not happy about you being there with no adults when people are going to be drinking.

I can look after myself, I’m not stupid

I know you’re not stupid. That’s why I’m letting you go. But if you want that freedom, you have to stay in contact with me so I know that you’re safe.

Everyone else will be bringing cans

I know you feel left out, but you can still have a good time without drinking. I’m not going to give you alcohol while you’re underage. Drinking is an unhealthy thing for you to do.

You don’t understand - it’s not a big deal

I do understand why you want to drink. And I know it can be fun. People get hurt and injured every day and do things they regret when they’re drunk. I care about you and I’m not going to put you in that position. You can have fun without alcohol.

I’m the only one who has not tried it yet

No one likes feeling left out. But not everyone is doing it, even if it seems that way. You don’t have to do something you are not comfortable with, just to fit in. I want you to stay safe. These are our rules. Your friends may see me as a strict parent and that is OK.

Everyone takes drugs at these events, it's normal these days

I hear what you’re saying - it might feel like that in your group. But most people your age are not taking drugs. Even if some are, that doesn’t mean it’s safe. Alcohol and drugs can affect people in different ways. What matters to me is helping you stay safe and make decisions you won’t regret.

It’s cheaper to take drugs than to go drinking

I understand why cost might seem important. But with drugs, you don’t really know what you’re getting or how strong it is. I don’t want you using alcohol or drugs. We can look at other ways for you to go out and enjoy yourself without putting yourself at risk.

Page last reviewed: 13/08/2024
Next review due: 13/08/2027