Babies have different emotional reactions to situations, such as being:
- tired
- hungry
- too hot or cold
- handled by someone
- uncomfortable
Some may react calmly. Other babies may feel agitated and will need support from you.
You're the best person to help your baby deal with their feelings. This is because you have spent time getting to know your baby and their cues.
Helping your baby regulate their emotions (video)
Managing emotions
Tolerating and managing intense feelings is called emotional regulation. Your baby begins to learn how to regulate their emotions from you.
Co-regulation
As a parent, you can help your baby manage their feelings. This is called co-regulation.
You do this by:
- noticing your baby’s feelings
- staying calm - this will help them to be calm
- responding to their distress by being there with them - for example soothing, talking to them and cuddling them
- marking their feelings using words ("I wonder if you are sad?") or empathetic facial expressions and sounds
Co-regulation is the first step to self-regulation.
Self-regulation
Self-regulation is when your child starts to learn to manage intense feelings on their own. This is an important skill for positive mental health throughout life.
Like any skill, self-regulation is harder for some children to learn than others. Some children will need much more support from their parents to manage big feelings.
As they get older, children will learn ways to soothe themselves.
They could do this by:
- cuddling a teddy
- holding a favourite blanket
- gentle movements
- talking or babbling to themselves
Your toddler or young child will still need your help to cope with their intense feelings. You can help by noticing their feelings and staying calm.
You can respond by:
- comforting your baby when they seem uncertain
- asking yourself what your baby is feeling right now - if they are annoyed, frightened, frustrated or sad
- putting your baby's intentions into words ("I think you wanted to keep playing, but we had to leave. Are you sad we had to leave?")
Dealing with toddler temper tantrums
How soothing helps your baby
Consistently responding to your baby's cues and helping them to regulate their emotions is very important.
Your baby will get the message that you hear them and know they're upset.
Your baby will know that:
- your hugs make them feel better
- your voice is calming and shows you're near
- your smile means everything will be OK
- they are important and their emotions are a normal part of being a human
Everyday interactions help your child learn ways to manage their intense feelings. These include distress, anger, sadness or over-excitement.
Over time, your baby will:
- know how to make themselves feel better when they're upset
- learn that adults are reliable and will look after them
- trust other people who take care of them, such as at pre-school
Parenting advice for difficult days
More support
Find a free online learning tool for parents - togetherness.co.uk.